hello lovely world people out there, decided to finally start writing little stories, honest stories, stories i go on and on about in my head and sometimes stories that i don’t have an answer to.. hope you like reading it and get a bit of a spin for your own day by day// life story
here i am again.. and oh well i believe you might guess what today’s logbook is about, huh? so here we go! but confessions first: i have to admit that i was dating online the last 1.5 years but somehow radically decided to delete all dating apps a week ago. i head my occasional breaks in between but last week i had my aha-moment: delete. for good. really. no shit. online dating industry your time is up. for me.
not that i had some bad experience or in general any psycho dates in the past, no i guess i made it quite well through the practice but somehow found myself in an emotional state that made me question to carry on with it. what does it give me? does it make me feel better to spend hours in front of the screen and swipe and swipe and swipe? hmm, i guess no..
let me tell you what i really dislike about it: honestly, don’t we all go through the same shit of dating experience every time? we make swiping an olympic discipline.. if we are lucky someone texts first.. if we are more lucky someone replies.. if the conversation is not that bad, we start to chat and chat and chat.. and build a persona based on what we see and what we read that we believe is an accurate representation of the real person.. typically we invest hours for chatting, and then days or even weeks later we possibly manage to meet.. oh, of course because our agendas are so busy, right?
and then: boom. the person we imagined is completely different than the image we made up in our head. not saying this is necessarily bad if there is deviation but within a split of a second we immediately know if we like that person or not. pictures plus text does not represent a human being. this is what i call reality check. boom. bang. boom.
and funnily every time we go through this experience, we twitch our shoulders and move on to the next swiping adventure. for some of us this goes on for months and years. honestly.. for me, this is not how i want to waste my time anymore.. am i totally wrong and does anyone out there see the added value in this?? is this the modern efficiency? hmm, i don’t think so..
don’t get me wrong, yes i met some great people the last 1.5 years and some of them became really good friends which i am very grateful for. i also had some great dates and fun times with many other guys. but in the end i have enough BBF’s and don’t need to enlarge this circle.
so consequently the idea of deleting online dating apps made me think how it was back in the days to date in real life and some people would say that i am so old-school to go back to this kind of reality dating (oh yes i am so 2000!!). but i have to admit it was way more fun to see someone, get really excited and then decide if it might be worth it to ask for a number. or in reverse being surprised by the question if one would be willing to exchange a phone number.
either way it could have been really embarrassing but it was also fun and i remember still so many moments where i took all of my courage and walked over to say the words i prepared in my head so well.. today i can still feel the excitement and nervousness in my whole body.. it was always unpredictable and i agree it was not always pleasant because you put yourself out there but at least it had a lot of thrill to it. and it got you all the rewarding excitement of waiting for someone to finally text and let the story begin :-)
now we swipe, left and right, right and left. actually most of the time we do it out of boredom and wonder why there is no excitement when we finally match with someone. at least this is how i experience it.. yeah, i hear you: eventually, i just got beyond the point of boredom :-) whatever the reason, i simply want some reality check again, i want some stupid and nervous laughter when someone asks me for a number. i want to flounder around while asking someone for their number.. even if you probably would not expect it: i am quite shy and clumsy when it comes to talking to people i find attractive and i think to experience that again makes me fell alive, makes me laugh and makes me feel doing something stupid again and leave all the serious adulthood behind for a moment..
in my opinion, we all stick our noses way too much into our phones and look up way too little when we are outside… so i promised myself to be out there and do not fall into the trap of online dating again. real life dating, here i come :-)
thank you for reading until this point, means the world to me..
much love, K