logbook// 11th of october 2018 on #whatsnormalanyway

hello lovely world people out there, decided to finally start writing little stories, honest stories, stories i go on and on about in my head and sometimes stories that i don’t have an answer to.. hope you like reading it and get a bit of a spin for your own day by day// life story


here i am again. still not living the life my parents would want me to. still not living the life my grandparents would have wished for me. still being the black sheep in a way. but somehow i am okay with what my life is like. because i still don’t know one good reason to live according to what others expect of me! could that ever be what we truly want? aren’t we all still figuring out what life is about for each one of us? what is a so called normal life anyway?

we all try to label everything in life, try to put things into boxes, give it names, give it feelings. but is that what we really need? i guess we should just start to live and enjoy what there is. no matter what other people think and fully disregarding other people’s opinions. who the hell sets a bar and dictates how you should live your life apart from yourself? i mean, i surely was there, have done that for many years.. i was living totally according to how my life should be. having proper relationships, working hard on building a career and most of all trying to make it right for everyone. living up to expectations. the only thing i forgot and lost on the way was being myself. because it seems i was the only one not being happy. i felt lived by the circumstances. i felt lived by trying to create the life people expected me to live.

i get that our grandparents grew up in a different generational mindset which makes it complicated for us to understand what they find important compared to our values and vice versa. but only because their values are different it doesn’t mean that i need to live them too. actually it is the opposite. how should their values fit into nowadays life? it is impossible. so consequently i will not be able to live according to their expectations. if for a woman the biggest “achievement” was to find a husband and build a family this is not what many woman would call their no.1 goal.

women nowadays have a different perspective and look for independence, pursuing their own dreams and defining life on their own terms. if i speak to my grandmother about that she finds this being a self-chosen hard and difficult state of mind. she believes that having a man makes things so much easier :-) i would say sometimes that is true, sometimes that is not :-)

thinking about settling down and having a family scares the shit out of me right now.. i know i shouldn’t be saying that in my age (ha, expectations again :-) it just doesn’t feel right for me right now. possibly because i feel like i missed out on something the last years building a career and forgetting to live a life. or maybe there is a bit of world that i need to see first.

whatever the reasons are for you to feel that you want to live a different life than the expectations around you, pls do it! it will never make you happy and content to make it right for others. this is not their life but it is your life and as long as you try to live your life according to their version it will not feel right. it will not be right. and it will not suit you right. and the most important it will never give you the happiness that you are looking for. only when you let go of all of it (and yes it might mean that you also loose some friends and relatives) you will discover there is a very beautiful version that you define yourself. and you will realize that this life feels very right to you.. because it is the life you choose on your own terms..

people will judge, most though will stop when they discover that you are resilient and keep going with what you do. some will always know better, but even for those i have the ultimate question: what’s normal anyway? if someone is out there having a catalogue of what life should be at every age and stage, pls raise your hand. pls enlighten all of us. i don’t think there is a cookie cutter version that would fit more than one individual on this planet. and this makes it really beautiful. we all are empowered to shape the life we want to live.

so take your time to listen deep inside what your version of life is. completely disregarding what others recommend and find right for you. if it means you want a family, then you know what you are looking for. if you feel travelling and getting lost is what you crave for, then go and get it. the time will never be better to pursue your dreams and live the life that feels right for you. i wish you luck and persistence but also patience to never loose sight of what your desire is. keep going, keep crawling, keep moving. every tiny little step is one step closer to what makes your heart beat faster and makes you feel alive.

thank you for reading until this point, means the world to me..

much love, K