logbook// 13th of july 2018 on #attachments

hello lovely world people out there, decided to finally start writing little stories, honest stories, stories i go on and on about in my head and sometimes stories that i don’t have an answer to.. hope you like reading it and get a bit of a spin for your own day by day// life story


friday 13th has always been my lucky day and especially today i keep thinking why people think this is a bad day. maybe we are superstitious because we don’t know what this day might do to us.

— for me it is a day to face your demons —

a day to think about what attachments you have in life that hold you back from becoming the person you want to be. don’t get me wrong i do not speak about the kind of “best version of you” stuff that goes on and on on the internet. how to get your perfect body, live the perfect life by working on your productivity perfection, to be efficient as f*ck etc.. i simply mean a person you are happy with when you look yourself in the eyes and no one is around. no matter if your body is perfect according to social media standards, if you only sleep for 5 hours because successful and famous people do or if you are a maniac in attacking your to do list day by day.

that is not what i care about. i care about the honest chunk of your personality, the mindset behind a person, the little odd habits and facial expressions that you show when no one is around. and the things that make your heart beat faster and get you into the flow. the person that gets lost when doing something with true passion. this is what i look after and this is what drives me.

it might hurt badly to face your demons because we keep telling ourselves so many lies, day in and day out. we keep telling us that we are happy despite there is this undercurrent that keeps ripping you apart. and if you reach the next level and realize and accept that these are lies, we tend to find excuses. excuses why we cannot live the life we want, just do whatever we want. we have obligations, need to pay our bills, have to take care of family or close friends, maybe a pet, a house, a car, the garden, the boat, the horse, the hobbies etc.. there is always this dead rock hanging at our feet that holds us back from taking off.

i was absolutely the same: i always had excuses, i made a whole mind map of excuses to not do what i truly wanted to. i first needed to save some money, i needed to work on my career, buy a house, collect more and more chattels to concrete me to the life i had. man, was i dishonest to me, big time. but at this time it felt right, it gave me the alleged comfort zone i believed i needed. it felt safe, it felt comfortable and felt like a shelter one can hide when the world crumbles.

current occurrences changed my point of view and set my world on fire. how could i be lived by a life that i didn’t really want? how could i just go on with it by sitting on the co-driver’s seat? how did i accept that for so many years? questions after questions.. and trust me it was very painful to ask them myself to myself. but as much pain as it meant, it paid off in the end..

you might say to not have many securities or attachments is risky but i say it is light. and airy. and free. i can go whenever i want to, i can leave everything behind. and i can always start at scratch line. and you know what? it feels so liberating. it feels there is nothing i need to feel accountable for. nothing that holds me back. and that makes the possibilities i have infinite. it gives me the opportunity to live. life. to. the. fullest.

it is every individuals decision to create the life we want and i am not preaching that what i have is something to strive for. but i believe that most of us build a comfort zone with all kind of attachments to feel safe and sound. and the question is more to figure out for you how much of attachments are really needed. to purely ask if you are a person who sits right now in the driver’s seat of your life or if there are artificially created attachments that keep you back from this pure and raw life experience you can have everyday. ask yourself how much you truly live *in the moment* and if all the attachments are truly needed.

thank you for reading until this point, means the world to me..

much love, K