logbook// 4th of july 2018 on #vulnerability

hello lovely world people out there, decided to finally start writing little stories, honest stories, stories i go on and on about in my head and sometimes stories that i don’t have an answer to.. hope you like reading it and get a bit of a spin for your own day by day// life story

#vulnerability

this v word was s o m e t h i n g that one might call a feeling. but definitely nothing i was able to let happen in me.. period

for those who know me, i have always been pretty much wonder woman and any less than that. whatever came my way that had an ”impossible” tag on it, i raised my hand, turned it into “easy-breezy-doable” and made gold out of it. the higher the stake - the better, the higher the risk - the more i was in for the adventure. to learn that we can be very strong by showing our weaknesses NEVER made any sense to me. and took serious years to truly dawn on me.

it seems one of those hardest lessons you will remember forever. those that burn themselves painfully into your memory and won’t ever fade away. but this is how life plays: the moments you only learn big time are not the ones where you end up with a little cute plaster with mickey mouse print on it.. put it simple: nope babe.

is those moments where you fall deep, you break every single bone, you bruise you whole body, you lay on the ground and you’re so bloody lost. there is no light, there is no one. there is just you, all by yourself and alone, unable to move, unable to scream, unable to crawl. and there is this pain. time seems to stop. the lowest point. the lowest level you ever got. and as you sit in deep shit you cannot imagine that you will ever get up again. but you know what: you will. the trick is that you have to leave dead weight behind you. you have to take this opportunity to learn by fully surrendering into this pain. whatever it takes. and it will change you. you will not be the same person afterwards. but you make space, space for a new part to evolve in you.

seeing this moment while looking back, floods me with deep sorrow of how i felt at this time. but looking back with todays perspective makes me realize how much changed. how much i changed. and that NOW it makes sense that i can be strong by showing my weak side. from a big distance basically the math is simple: you expose yourself fully and this shows you are vulnerable AND at the same time it shows true strength. it shows you are not scared to be injured, whatever might come. you stand up and show the world you have nothing to hide. this is raw and pure, this is truth and honesty. this is emotion. this is what the world needs again.

so go little girl, cry the hell out of you, scream, hit a pillow, tell people if they hurt you. tell them why it is not ok how they treat you. show the world the pure YOU that is vulnerable but so beautiful and fragile. once you start you will see people being surprised seeing this different side of you. one they never expected. one that has to learn to be in the spotlight from time to time.

it is a side we all should show more in order to not pretend being perfect and to stop acting according to the productivity and performance level that is our burden every day. please do me a favour and show this beautiful imperfect version of you, one with scars and bruises.. and you know what: all of our scars and bruises tell stories and i am very interested to hear yours.. show the world who you really are..

thank you for reading until this point, means the world to me..

much love, K